Final Exams. The words make my stomach cramp suddenly and my head start to reel. I really hate tests. I know the material, study before the exam and go in confident, but I am just not good at taking tests. I forget what I thought I knew, I panic, stress, and don't do as well as I thought I would. This week is the final exam week, and it is making me very stressed. On Monday, I had my German final, which I had been studying for all weekend. I hope I did good on the test, but with me there is really no telling what will happen. Whenever I think I did ok I did not, and when I am sure that I failed, my grade is great. I have my math final tomorrow, so today I am studying frantically.
I don't know why I have such a phobia of taking tests. I really shouldn't, especially this year. My grade is not being submitted anywhere, I am on my own to be wonderful at what I do. I think it is because I am a perfectionist in most things I do, and that translates badly to exams and graded tests. I want to be perfect, and then I worry that I will not be, and it is nerve wracking. I do think it can be a good quality, and I know that my independence and tendency to get down on myself about work is what is making this year such a success. I have tried my best to be calm this week, and I think I am in a good place regarding the test tomorrow.
On a more positive note, I have vacation next week! In fact, after my exam early tomorrow morning, I will be off! I am really excited, because although the winter has been really fun, it has also been very hard on me, and I am always busy. I cannot wait for some down time, and a lot of books to read! Of course, there are things I still need to do over vacation, and it we will not be going anywhere because my brothers are still in school, but I am still elated to be able to rest and sleep and read.
Tomorrow night is another incredible opportunity for me...Stephen Greenblatt, author of Will in the World, an inspiring and inspired biography of Shakespeare's life, will be speaking at the bookstore in our town. To see him and hear him speak will be incredible, and I have been excited for a long time for him to come! I am going with a friend who is just as excited, and I am literally counting the hours. STEPHEN GREENBLATT!!!!! IN MY TOWN! I promise I will write about it after tomorrow, when I have the time, energy, and the stories from his talk.
Well, another look into my hectic life, full of ups and downs. I am such a teenager.